He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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