I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
