The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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