I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
