You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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