someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Even my vagina gasped.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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