Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
