So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
