I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
