Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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