I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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