Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
