youre lurking in front of me
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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