You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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