Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
