his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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