My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
