so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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