I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
