Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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