You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
