Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
