i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
