just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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