dude i'm inner monologue high
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize