You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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