Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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