I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
