I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize