I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
