Porn is love you can see.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
