Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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