Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
