You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
