She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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