Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
