Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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