Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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