What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
