Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
