Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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