his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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