i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
