it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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