The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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