the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
