I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
