This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
