for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize