Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
