Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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