You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize