I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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