he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize