IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
