the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
