Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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