He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
