if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
