3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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