This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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