I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
