Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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