Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
