And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
