Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
