You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
