She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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