My brain says no but my pants say off.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
