he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
