Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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