just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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