On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
