I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
