k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
