My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I am one with the molecules
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
