Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
