Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
