he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
