The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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