I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
