I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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