i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
