wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
