I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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