It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
