Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My feet surprised me
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