Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
