If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
