i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
