I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
