That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
