those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
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