Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
