you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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