Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
