forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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