my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
