I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Let the clothes fall where they may.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
