ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
