im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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