Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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