Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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