Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
