You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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