look no pants
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
