Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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