Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize