OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
