There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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