i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
