she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
