Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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