wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
